I haven't put anything on this post for quite awhile but this morning I thought I would write a little!



I finally have a diagnosis!! I have fibromyalgia. I am having a hard time digesting the idea! I cried as the doctor told me that I need to be careful about physical exertion, sleep more, and avoid stress. Basically slow down! I don't have the heart to tell my kids that I can't take them to their activities because it runs too late or I'm not feeling well enough so I bite the bullet and keep going! I was raised with the phrase 'no pain no gain', but I guess that doesn't apply anymore.



I am not sure how to feel about the whole thing. It is expensive to treat so that really isn't an option so I have pain pills that I take as needed and some days I am watching the clock just waiting for the moment I can take another and other days I can just take one before I go to bed and be ok.



The stress of my family arguing seems to make me feel worse. I am to the point that I feel like I need to keep my husband and oldest as far a part as I can so that they don't get into another argument, because them arguing makes me feel worse. The teenagers still at home do better with him, but they don't get along either. I wish I knew what it was that causing them so much antimosity toward one another. I suppose that will go away one day!



The other thing that really bothers me about this diagnosis is the fact that it may squelch my dreams of becoming a midwife! I really worry about that! I hope that I can find a way to deal with the widespread pain that will let me continue to study.



I guess right now I fear becoming the 40 that walks with a cane and can no longer be active! I am trying to not let it get me down, but when the Dr said this isn't an illness that will shorten your life it is just going to alter it drastically I cried harder! Not having anyone to talk to just makes it harder to deal with. I have one support group online with not alot going on (probably because everyone feels like crap!) but there are days that I long for my friends in TX. Oklahoma is kinda a lonely place. I love the land and the community, but people just don't talk and visit here much, so it gets kinda lonely.



That is my sob story for today! Tomorrow will be another day hopefully one that is less painful and easier to deal with!